- "Let there be light and fluffy buns!"
- —Yahwheat the Great
Yahwheat is the one and only supreme deity of the monotheistic religion known as Crustianity. He is a giant magical bread dragon who lives in space in a magical city named Awesomeville, located near Alpha Centauri. He is the father of our savior, Grilled Cheesus Crust, and they, along with the Holy Toast, form our trinity. His word is revealed through the Old and New Tastyments of the Holy Ryeble, and the responsibility of his followers is to follow the Ten Crumbmandments and to avoid Sinnabonning.
Yahwheat is believed to have created the entire universe 12,000 years ago by baking in the Great Celestial Oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 40 minutes, or until it was a nice golden brown. He constructed the planets and stars by rolling dough into giant spheres and then baking them with his flame breath.
His son, Grilled Cheesus Crust, was sent down to Earth from Awesomeville to die for our Sinnabons. Cheesus was cooked and on the third day, the awesome amount of yeast within his soul caused him to rise up and take a seat at the right hand of Yahwheat.
Loyal Crustians (i.e. those who do not sinnabon and follow the Ten Crumbmandments) will be sent to Awesomeville when they die. Awesomeville is a magical city in Alpha Centauri; it boasts such marvels as monster truck go-kart tracks, go-kart monster truck ralleys, and a Hall and Oates concert every Friday. However, bad Crustians will be sent to Detroit for all eternity.
Yahwheat resembles a massive, 6,000,000 mile-long, serpentine creature with mottled brown skin made entirely out of one single loaf of sliced bread. His face is very goat-like, with a beard, tufts of fur on his jaw, and a fu manchu mustache. Sprouting from his head are two massive horns made of baguettes. Yahwheat possesses two enormous wings made from half-eaten flour tortillas. His tail ends in a massive piece of toast. He is sprinkled with sesame seeds all along his body.
Yahwheat is a mostly silent character, speaking only on rare occasions. However, when he does speak, he does so with great authority. He is a mostly calm deity, only growing angry if he is greatly disrespected. However, he actually tolerates most disrespect because he is aware of how arrogant mankind is and thus pities them.
- Creating Universes: Yahwheat is said to have created the entire universe 12,000 years ago by baking it in the Great Celestial Oven. This would also imply that he is an expert baker.
- Flight: Through magical means, Yahwheat is capable of flight despite the fact that his wings are too small to lift his unfathomable weight. Yahwheat can fly faster than the speed of sound and the speed of light combined.
- Performing Miracles: Being a god, Yahwheat is able to answer prayers and perform astounding miracles that defy science. Whether or not he will do these things when you ask him to is another story, but he is perfectly capable of doing impossible things, such as creating a two-sided triangle or a married bachelor.
- Enormous Size and Strength: Being 6,000,000 miles long, Yahwheat is the largest creature in existence. He is completely immortal and unkillable, and can defeat any opponent without breaking a sweat.
- Grilled Cheesus Crust: Son, deceased, risen
- Doughses: Prophet, recipient of the Ten Crumbmandments
- Loafah: Builder of the Bread Ark
- Daryl Hall: Performer in Awesomeville on Fridays
- John Oates: Performer in Awesomeville on Fridays
- The Holy Toast: Poker buddy, third member of trinity
- Beelzebun: Former college roommate and arch-nemesis
- Yahwheat's word is revealed through his two-part best-selling book, the Holy Ryeble, made up of the Old and New Tastyments.
|For the user, see User:Datholmzie.|
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